I think I have known ever since I was 14 that I'd have to move out at least by 22. It has never been a clear path on how I would be able to get there. But I've always known. I am so envious of people who have parents that do not act as if their love is conditional. I live in this space inside my head where I constantly feel I will forever feel this alone and hollow. Even now with all the years of therapy and growing up as a person I always feel like a little 12 year old girl all over again whenever anyone is upset with me. Every time it feels like thats the last conversation I will have with them, like it is the final nail in the coffin to be exhausted of my existence. I do not know how to be, I don't know how to not live on edge. I do not know what my future holds, I don't even know if I can be successful. But I know my life cannot continue how it has and I will try everything I can to make sure it does not. That is all one can hope for.
No comments:
Post a Comment