Special Interest Galore

 

With getting a new place being on the horizon the main things I have been excited about is collecting and decorating. The idea of having a specific area where I can display a bunch of things that I love and find pleasing to the eye excites me. I like a lot of things like crocheting, reading, jewelry making. To think I can have an area dedicated to crafts alone is so exciting to me. I am looking forward to a room that I can fully customize to my own liking so much. I know I want a vanity, and curtains hanging in my doorway for sure. I want

But I always bounce back and forth on the overall theme, I know I want it to be brown, but I also adore the color pink. I want to be able to incorporate both but overall keep more of a tuscan vibe since that was the vibe of my childhood home. It has been such a long time since I have had an opportunity to decorate my own room and it is something I have been looking forward to forever. It is even more exciting because I do not really have limits, since I am and adult now whatever I consider to be best fit will go. I cannot wait. I've been looking in the home decor section of every store I go to just window shopping in every store I see. I know I want a lot of mood lighting, so lots of lamps and candles. I also want to display my special interest but don't want them to clash with the overall vibe in the room.Whatever I decide I know I will be happy with because

it will be an extension of me!!!

Everything is Reactionary

Life has recently felt like a consistent challenge to not react. Whether I am simply scrolling on my phone, conversing with others, or even just trying to get by in a day to day life it sometimes just feels like a battle. I often find myself easily irritable at things, quick to comment on a post, quick to feel overwhelmed, quick to contemplate replying to obvious nonsense. I try my best not to let things get to me, I will often delete a comment seconds after posting it, or deciding to walk away from conversations that feel like nothing but a trap to upset me. 

But the question just always bugs me of why? Why do people feel the need to be condescending, why do people defend the most heinous acts, why does everyone care so little? And more importantly how are you as a person not supposed to let that get to you? 

I do not have answer for this, and maybe there simply isn't one. Maybe you are meant to just take it day by day and hope for the best. Maybe it is different for each individual and we just all have to learn what works best for us. One day I hope to look back on this and say I've learned how to let me be the master of my own emotions. But until then,

hope for the best.

Plans at Night?

Yesterday for the first time in a long time I went out with friends at night. Which I know does not seem like a big deal, I am literally 20. But I do not think I've been out at a night event since my freshman year of college. The most I do at night is go to the movies. But last night I went to this cool place that had karaoke, homemade jewelry, crafts, and so much more. The vibe of the place is cool and not something I think I've ever really experienced before. I had a lot more fun then I expected, going into it I was slightly confused on what the vibe would be like. I could not picture it at all. Usually what helps me be social is replicating the vibe of other people around me but since I've never been there before and the only people I would know are my two friends it would make it more difficult.

It ended up being completely chill and I didn't feel out of place. I got to gossip with my friends and I made this collage which I'm so proud of!!! When I get my new apartment it 100% is going to go on the wall. I hope more nights like this continue for me,
I have already stated before I always yearned for a more booked social calendar. Now that I no longer live where I used to, I think 
this opens more opportunities to actually be a young adult that lives a fulfilled life and not constantly alone at home. Not that I mind being at home at all, I love to lounge, nap, watch tv, anything to do with relaxing. But it does feel nice to actually be able to get out.


Too many more nights to come.

Digital Junk Journal 𐦍

Countdown to Fall

This whole entire week I have been having the worse allergies possible. My throat was in pain for two days and my nose has been running non stop. I have taken three different kinds of allergy medicine along this week. It is safe to say I cannot wait for Fall to come. It is my favorite time of year! From the weather, the leaves falling, halloween, and of course my birthday. My hopes is by the time my birthday has come everything will be fine and I'll be able to celebrate with no extra stress.

Maybe this year I will even have a celebration and invite a bunch of people who knows! But I am very excited to see what the rest of this year has in store and I look forward to every moment to come. Even the bad parts.

October 15th, 2026 save the date!!

Personal Library ؛༊

Book 1 Book 2 Book 3 Book 4 Book 5

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My Makeup Bag ♡

My Inventory

How to Find the Beauty in Everything

 

Over the past few days me and my boyfriend Elijah have been keeping a list of what makes us smile throughout the day. It was an idea I came up with after trying to help both of us see the beauty in our own lives. I think often times it is very hard to see it through all the negative, especially with the current state of our country. Taking a step back and realizing the little things that make us smile everyday in our lives are apart of living. They may be small but they get so much bigger when you see them all written down on a list.

I advise everyone to start keeping a happy list, write down the date everyday and out down what made you smile, what made you laugh. It is important to see things like that can still exist even when life feels hard.

Make the life your living feel alive.

How to Have a Social Life?

 

I envy people who are consistently busy and always have plans. For me having an eventful week is having more than two plans in one week. Last week was probably my most eventful week in months. I went to the movies three times, and I also went to the fair! 

But coming off of that week I have done nothing besides my hair. Which I guess is semi productive. I yearn for a booked social calendar. When I was working at least I felt productive despite having nothing else planned. It is so hard to make plans with people and sometimes I honestly just get tired of asking and feel like a bother.

I am still very thankful for the people in my life who do actually enjoy my presence though. I am 100% not alone but sometimes it does feel impossible to even hang out with the people who care about you. 

One day it will all be so simple.

Manny Santos Defender

 Manny Santos has meant something to me since I was literally like 12 years old and it is because I have always had such sympathy and care for her. To me she is a product of constantly being treated as a sex object when all she has ever wanted is love? I know Manny isn't perfect, and I hate a home wrecker as much as the next person. However I feel like she truly wasn't a home wrecker, she was used.

When Manny was in that garage with Craig was heavily implying that it was over between him and Ashley. While Manny was also making it very clear that she was envious of the fact that Craig treated Ashley as a person he loved, not just as a person he found hot like her ex boyfriend had did to her. She was in the mindset that if she gave Craig something he wanted (aka sex) he would treat her like how he treated Ashley. Give her flowers, make her a song the whole nine yards. So she gave that man her virginty and he proceeded to get her pregnant. I cannot comprehend how horrible that must've felt. He used her for gratification and continued to promise to her that he would leave Ashley. But it never happened until Ashley found out herself. And frankly Ashley was not nearly as mad at Craig then Manny, she exposed her for being pregnant and slut shamed her for months after. Manny was younger then Craig, and a virgin before him and she was now labeled as something that stained the rest of her time at Degrassi.

I will forever defend Manny, she is a sweet girl who was brought up with a strict father who only loved her until she started to grow up. Which is something I personally relate to. I think Manny's heart has always been in the right place but she didn't learn for a long time that lust and love aren't equivalent and giving someone the most private parts of yourself doesn't mean they will suddenly treat you right. 

Manny Santos is my kin forever and always.

New Craft!!

 I didn’t really get up to much today but I did try a new hobby of “sculpting” with clay. I didn’t do anything quite impressive I just made a flower jewelry dish and it somehow did not come out completely deformed. After it dries i’m gonna paint it and show results, hopefully it doesn’t look horrid!!

Pull of the Day

• Two of Wands (reversed)- Fear of unknown, intense indecision, and over planning without taking action
• Ace of Wands (reversed)- delayed progress, creative blocks, and lack of enthusiasm
• Hierophant- needing guidance
• Fool- yes

Takeaway- Although I am not sure what the future holds and that makes me feel less excited about it. If I trust within myself and the people around me who genuinely care for me and want me to thrive. Everything will work out the way I want it to. 

What is Next?

 I think I have known ever since I was 14 that I'd have to move out at least by 22. It has never been a clear path on how I would be able to get there. But I've always known. I am so envious of people who have parents that do not act as if their love is conditional. I live in this space inside my head where I constantly feel I will forever feel this alone and hollow. Even now with all the years of therapy and growing up as a person I always feel like a little 12 year old girl all over again whenever anyone is upset with me. Every time it feels like thats the last conversation I will have with them, like it is the final nail in the coffin to be exhausted of my existence. I do not know how to be, I don't know how to not live on edge. I do not know what my future holds, I don't even know if I can be successful. But I know my life cannot continue how it has and I will try everything I can to make sure it does not. That is all one can hope for.

 I am in love with my new blog format and I'm so proud of it you guys don't even understand fr!! My plan is to document my tarot pulls here, show crochet progress and overall say whats on my mind and I cannot wait!!

about me

Welcome to my blog!! My name is Jorai (pronounced your-eye) and I am 20 years old. I have many interest like movies, crocheting, baking, tv, and reading. My blog will consist of character analysis, life updates, things I take special interest in and just about anything else that fascinates in the moment. I love to talk about movies, politics, pop culture, and black experience. 

My blog will be all about my personal experience, opinions and interest. I hope my blog can become a space of conversation and peace for everyone!!

Enjoy,

Appleofjorai

˖᯽ ݁˖· ─

​And the day that people realize that Niall would’ve out sang Harry in one direction if he got more solos is the day we heal as a society!!

I'm alive

 I have not been on my blog in weeks guys but I swear it was because I was locked in. I am on my third week of my new job (although I haven't worked one day this week yet). I got my first ever paycheck and surprisingly I still have a decent amount left over AND I got yet another Juicy bag. My collection will be growing this summer for sure. I also am obsessed with the braids I did on myself they're so cute. That is really all I have to say. I just want to make sure I post and that I keep my blog alive for memories!!!

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ

 My period has officially arrived and now literally all i want is a butterfinger and to take a long nap with my bf!

˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢

 You can literally explain yourself as calmly and as thoroughly as possible to someone and they will still find a way to invalidate you, not listen and pretend to be noble. Apologizes aren't real if you absolve yourself of all responsibility!!!

!!!

 Microaggressive or macro-aggressive? I'd say both!

˚˖𓍢ִ໋❀

I am currently doing my first ever big crochet project and it is honestly kind of difficult to find motivation to do it. I am making a blanket, not a small simple blanket but a big one because I cannot stand small blankets! One row takes me like 45 minutes to an hour to finish and it is difficult for me to want to continue after doing one row. But I guess any form of progress is progress, I at least want to get to a half way point sometime soon and I hope I can. So far it kinda just looks like a really wide scarf to be honest.

⋆‧°𓏲ּ𝄢

​I hate people who don’t care having empathy is good for everyone!

Finally Employed

 I literally have been looking for a job for like two years now and it has finally happened. I'm actually employed it is a miracle. I am so excited, I have so many things I want to buy it is literally crazy.